Sunday, May 16, 2010

Pink Blanket

I was given a beautiful pink blanket by my friend Fallon many years ago. It has Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Belle embroidered on the corner, and it is very soft. From the moment I opened it, I knew that it would someday be my daughters blanket, and because of this, I kept it very safe. I put it into a box, along with a few stuffed animals and put it away for "someday."

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately took the box out of my closet and opened it. I pulled out this perfect blanket and I daydreamed about my daughter. What she would look like and who she would be. I folded her blanket, and put it in the closet of what would be a nursery.

In the early weeks of my pregnancy, I never entertained the idea that I would have a son. I thought I would have a son eventually, but I never thought that the baby I was carrying would be a boy. People would often remind me of the possibility that I would have a boy, but I let it go in one ear and out the other. I picked crib bedding and a nursery theme, and often referred to my baby as "she" or "her". My heart was convinced.

This month last year, I made an ultrasound appointment to find out the sex of my baby. I was excited, mostly, because I thought, I will finally be able to start buying up all of the things I had picked out for our baby girl. I had one moment of panic right before the appointment, where I imagined that it was a boy, "What would I do?" But, that quickly passed, because I honestly could not imagine the technician telling us it was a boy, so I didn't worry anymore.

When the technician revealed our baby's sex to me I felt only happiness. I went into that room fully expecting (pun intended) to have a baby girl, but I walked out knowing I would have a son. I know I had expected it to be a girl, but I never realized how much I wanted a boy until that moment. All of the nursery ideas and pretty pink objects dissipated from my mind, and I begin to imagine lizards, trucks and mud pies.

I was so excited about our baby boy that I completely forgot about the pink blanket waiting patiently in the closet. I found it the evening after our ultrasound, as I went to christen our son's closet with his first outfit. I had a moment to reflect about the past 20 weeks, and how my dreams and hopes changed so suddenly. I picked up the blanket, looked at it for a while, then folded it back so nicely and placed it back in it's box, and inside my closet.

As much as I love that little pink blanket, I wouldn't change a thing about my life. My son is the greatest gift I have ever received, and I am so glad that I didn't get the answer I had been dreaming of on the warm day in May.

The pink blanket is still waiting for "someday" and the perfect little sister.

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