I don't know what to say when someone experiences a death in the family. I don't know if that is socially acceptable to admit, but hey, honesty right.
I have a friend, and for her privacy, I won't share details here, but she lost a member of her family. He was a relatively young, and it was a very sad circumstance. I want so desperately to tell her that I am sorry, and I am her for her. However, I am not, technically we live about 5 states away from each other, so I can not be a shoulder to cry on. Also, everyone is basically regurgitating the same speech: "If you need anything I'm here, I'm so sorry"
It seems so redundant to be one more sorry in the sea of sorrys and it just doesn't seem sincere to repeat the same thing to her.
So, I say nothing. I hurt for her hurt and I think of her often, but I haven't said anything to her, because I have nothing to say. I have no words that will bring this person back to her family, I have no advice to lessen her pain. I can't tell her that time heals all wounds, because I know from experience that it doesn't. I can't send her flowers, or bereavement help books. I watched my mom receive countless bouquets and books on how to deal with loss after my brother died, and they didn't mean anything to her. I don't believe she opened one book or smelled one flower.
I wish that I could translate to her my condolences in a way that doesn't seem cheapened by cliches, and would reflect my heartfelt sympathy, but I have not found the words.
So, until then, I will think of her as she and her family pick up the pieces, and I will pray that they find strength and peace.
**If you are reading this, and you know who you are. I am sorry I don't have the words for you, yet, but I love you and miss you.**